Questions to self reflect
Since implicit bias lives in our subconscious, it can be hard to spot. Sometimes, all we need is a moment to pause and reflect honestly on our thoughts and behaviors. These questions can help you recognize areas of bias and how they might affect relationships with others.
No identity group or community is a monolith or all the same; the individuals within each of these communities are diverse, intersectional, and unique!
Yet we often make assumptions or generalizations about an identity group based on how we have internalized stereotypes (sometimes without even recognizing it). Even seemingly positive stereotypes can imply that an individual is only good at something because of their identity, rather than the effort and hard work they put into an activity.
And while this may seem harmless, stereotypes are overwhelmingly inaccurate and can negatively impact decisions around employment, education, the justice system, housing and financial services. By taking time to reconsider stereotypes, and to question whether the assumptions we are making are supported by real evidence specific to an individual, we can work to ensure everyone is valued fairly.
Yet we often make assumptions or generalizations about an identity group based on how we have internalized stereotypes (sometimes without even recognizing it). Even seemingly positive stereotypes can imply that an individual is only good at something because of their identity, rather than the effort and hard work they put into an activity.
And while this may seem harmless, stereotypes are overwhelmingly inaccurate and can negatively impact decisions around employment, education, the justice system, housing and financial services. By taking time to reconsider stereotypes, and to question whether the assumptions we are making are supported by real evidence specific to an individual, we can work to ensure everyone is valued fairly.
Have you ever ruled out certain neighborhoods as places you might live or send your kids to school based on the town’s demographics?
When choosing a place to live or send our kids to school, we often evaluate whether the people in a community look like us. This is because we assume that people who look like us will share our values. However, almost all families want the same thing - to feel relaxed, safe and loved at home. There is also great power in living in a diverse community. By engaging with families who look a bit different than your own, you’ll break down stereotypes, learn new things and have the ability to form lasting relationships.
Have you ever justified using specific language (that might be offensive to some) because a friend told you it doesn’t bother them?
Even if a friend told you it doesn't bother them, it’s best to avoid language that can be perceived as having biased undertones. There’s a chance the language could be offensive to another person and make them feel unwelcome and unsafe when you’re around. Additionally, even when it’s not our intention, biased language can also reinforce stereotypes and perpetuate disparities in our society, like making it harder for someone to find an apartment, secure a loan, or receive a fair trial.
Do you let it slide when your friends or family are acting or speaking in a way that may be offensive?
It can be easy to make excuses for our loved ones – maybe they grew up in a different generation, or in a lifestyle that has different values. However, it’s important to discuss things like race, disability and sexuality with our loved ones, even if it may be uncomfortable. Try explaining why their words or actions may be harmful, and offer alternative language and actions.
Picture your three best friends. Do they look like you?
We often surround ourselves with people who look like us, because we assume they share our values. However, we may find that we share common interests, experiences, and values with others who look a little different than us. Next time you meet someone with a different background, get to know them on an individual level. You might find you have more in common than you think.
Have you ever joked around using the phrase “OK Boomer” or saying you’ve had a “senior moment”?
Age-related bias is often seen as humorous - or at least harmless. However, language like this can perpetuate stereotypes and impact the policies we develop and the opportunities we create – or don’t - for the older community.
Have you ever assumed an older adult isn’t as competent with technology or social media?
Making subtle assumptions about someone’s abilities based on their age can perpetuate stereotypes, and affect people’s self-esteem, confidence and how they view growing older. These perceptions around age are also connected to more serious issues like hiring bias.
Have you ever told someone they were “brave,” “courageous,” or “inspirational” for living with a disability?
While it might not be our intent, saying that a disabled person is “brave,” “courageous,” or “inspirational” can be perceived as patronizing or condescending. It can come across as if we are applauding them for simply existing. Instead of claiming disabled people inspire you, appreciate them for their uniqueness and individuality.
When you’ve seen a person who has a physical or mental disability, have you ever avoided making eye contact?
People who have a disability often face subtle forms of bias that can make it difficult for them to interact with others. In some cases, people try to avoid engaging with people with disabilities leaving them feeling excluded and disempowered. Next time you see someone with a disability, make eye contact, strike up a conversation if it feels appropriate and interact how you typically do with others. You might realize that you have more in common than you think.
Have you ever assumed someone’s pronouns, or referred to them with the incorrect pronouns?
A person’s pronouns might not match your perception of them. Assuming someone’s pronouns may invalidate their experience as a non-binary, gender fluid, or transgender person. Instead, try opening up your conversations with your own pronouns, and asking others’ what theirs are.
Have you ever asked someone what their “real” name is?
Transgender or non-binary individuals often choose new names to match their gender. Asking someone what their “real” “birth” or “legal” name is invalidates their experience by implying that their chosen name, and by extension their gender isn’t real. It implies that the name they were assigned at birth (referred to as a “deadname”) is more legitimate than their chosen name.
Do you have different expectations for people based on their gender?
Maybe you’ve mentioned that doing laundry is a woman’s job, or referred to a father taking care of his child as “babysitting”. Assuming someone should take on a specific role – whether in the workplace or at home – can prevent them from taking on the role they want to take on. Keep in mind that families and individuals can define their own roles.
Have you asked personal questions about an individual's body parts - for example, asking a transgender person about their physical journey, hormones, or surgery?
Everybody's body and how they talk about it can be a very personal topic. Especially for individuals who have "transitioned," are in the process of doing so, or do not have the financial means to do so, probing on the specifics of their body parts and medical history can be invasive. If a trans or nonbinary person decides to share their medical history with you, that is their decision. And remember, sex and gender identity are two separate things: sex is what we are assigned at birth based on medical factors, and gender identity is how a person defines and conceptualizes their own gender (which is internal). It is not necessary to know someone’s sex in order to understand them.
How do you respond when you see someone wearing religious attire such as a hijab, a yarmulke, or a turban?
It can be easy to respond with uncertainty when we observe things different from our own experiences. When you see someone wearing religious attire that you are not familiar with, it’s important to understand that they have made a choice to wear that attire for personal reasons. Negative sentiment surrounding religious attire can lead to serious issues like discrimination, profiling, and even violence.
Have you ever referred to being gay as a “choice” or a “lifestyle” that can be changed?
A person’s sexual orientation is a natural part of who they are – it is not a choice to be gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual etc. We don’t decide who we are attracted to, so therapy, “treatment,” or persuasion won’t change a person’s sexual orientation – some of these are practices are known as “conversion therapy” which has proven detrimental to the mental health of LGBTQ+ people and is illegal in many states because of how harmful it can be to young people. People also can’t “turn” gay, so exposing a boy to toys traditionally made for girls, such as dolls, won’t “cause” him to be gay (for example).
Have you ever expected a gay person to have a certain personality type or interests because of their sexual orientation or gender identity?
Although we might not intend to stereotype people, making assumptions about someone based on their sexual orientation may be hurtful. The LGBTQ+ community is incredibly diverse, and every individual is unique. Not all individuals who share the same LGBTQ+ identity labels have the same hobbies, interests, or personality traits, so we should avoid making generalizations based on a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/microaggressions-lgbtq-people-deal-with_l_60c12080e4b059c73bd556e2
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/microaggressions-lgbtq-people-deal-with_l_60c12080e4b059c73bd556e2
Have you ever assumed your female co-worker’s spouse is a man? Or assumed your male co-worker's spouse is a woman?
Not all people are in heterosexual marriages or relationships. Millions of people are in same-sex relationships or marriages. To be more inclusive, you can use the term spouse, partner, or significant other when discussing relationships.
When considering how you talk about diversity, have you ever described yourself as “colorblind” or said that “you don’t see race”?
It's important to acknowledge that our differences do, in fact, matter. Saying that “we don’t see race” minimizes or dismisses the struggles, systemic discrimination, and everyday bias that non-white people experience because of their skin color. Instead, listen to the perspectives of those from different races, understand that our experiences are shaped by race, and acknowledge that our differences are what make us beautiful.
Have you ever told someone who is a different race or ethnicity than you that they are “articulate” or “well spoken”?
While it might not be our intention, this statement implies that people from different races are less educated, and that it is surprising to see someone from a certain race hold an intellectual conversation. Instead, you can consider complimenting what moved or inspired you about your conversation or their presentation, focusing more on the content they prepared rather than their ability to deliver it.
Have you ever asked a person “where are you really from”, or assumed they were born outside of the U.S. based on their ethnicity?
Asking someone “where they’re really from” implies that they aren’t really “from here” and may make them feel like they are an outsider who doesn’t belong. Instead, you can ask someone how they identify themselves (Asian American, Korean American, Puerto Rican, Latino, etc.), or ask about their heritage.
Have you ever assumed that someone is good or bad at an activity (like athletics, academics, or driving) based on their race?
Although we might not be referencing an overt and obvious stereotype, making subtle assumptions about someone from a different culture or race may be hurtful. Even seemingly positive stereotypes can imply that an individual is only good at something because of their race, rather than the effort and hard work they put into an activity. Perpetuating stereotypes can make it difficult for individuals to do things like find a job, secure a loan, or simply go about their everyday activities.
Have you ever used a nickname for someone because you couldn't pronounce their real name?
Many people of color or immigrants have names with origins outside the English language. These names can be tough for you to pronounce, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try! Instead of asking if they have a nickname, try asking: "Can you teach me to pronounce your name?"